Appreciation & Expectation
Hello frigid February! This is the shortest month of the year, and in the northeast, the one most likely to be spent indoors with those you love, even if it is your pets! Spending time with our precious pets is a good thing. They boost our dopamine and serotonin levels as they keep us entertained and happy. We appreciate their goofy antics and enjoy their steadfast company. What if we appreciated ourselves and our human companions the same way? Imagine speaking to ourselves the way we speak to our pets: “Good girl, you are so precious, I adore you, thank you for being in my life!” If we actually spoke to the significant people in our lives that way it just might be a turning point in our relationships. Of course, our pet’s love is unconditional, mostly because they don’t know anything different. They might have strange quirks and odd behaviors, yet we tend to ignore or embrace their peculiarities and love them unconditionally too.
Unfortunately, we often place unreasonable expectations on ourselves, our friends, and our human companions. “I expected you to do this… why didn’t you do that?” What if we looked beyond their inconsistencies and saw them through the eyes of love and appreciation? What if we looked at ourselves in the mirror and said good things to that special person who needs to be validated. Instead of sending negative thoughts about our appearance, weight, or achievements, what if we congratulated and praised ourselves? How do you think that would affect our perspective of life?
In NLP or Neurolinguistic Programming, there is a wonderful exercise to enhance Self-Appreciation, where we look at ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves or appreciates us. It is amazing! As we imagine seeing ourselves through the eyes of love and feel what another feels, we see the good that they see in us, and feel their sense of love for us. This allows us to be less self-critical and more tender towards our beloved companions. It is important to be kind to others and to ourselves as well.
True partnership is based on trust, communication, & teamwork. When we acknowledge each other’s strengths, we work together for a common goal. A good manager considers their staff. A good partner considers the person they care for. A good person honors themselves.
Five Steps to Connect:
- Smile, be genuine, make eye contact – They will sense your sincerity.
- Be a clear communicator – Be respectful, solid, yet gentle. Build their trust in you.
- Seek first to understand – Mistakes usually happen from miscommunication.
- Develop active listening – Be here NOW, focused only on what is being said.
- Notice your words – “Us, we, and ours” are far more inclusive than “I, me, and mine.”
Be aware: 7% of communication is what you say and 93% is HOW you say it.
The best relationships flow together as a team. We are in RAPPORT. Rapport is that sense of trust, connection, and likability that one feels toward another. When rapport is broken or lost, good intentions no longer matter. Every person wants their basic human needs met – To Live, Love, and Belong. When we give people our attention, respect, and understanding, they feel like someone “gets” them.
As we focus on each other and work as a team, issues go away. We communicate what we feel inside. If we are preoccupied, threatened, or worried, we project what we feel. If we are tense, others feel it. If we are relaxed, open, and curious, they feel it and respond accordingly. When others are under stress, we can put them at ease by being at ease. When we focus on them, they feel heard, they feel safe.
Be present and connected. Good communicators are solid, assertive, and clear. Good listeners develop confidence and the skill of letting go. Together we enjoy learning about each other. Relationships become interesting, fulfilling, and meaningful. To achieve the best outcomes most effectively, be completely present to each other, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Be sure to check out the upcoming Radio Show with my guest Emmi Fortin, a relationship expert who helps people shift their perception of self and others by taking inventory of their patterns, beliefs, and behaviors. Using her unique RED Process, she coaches people to transform their lives toward being more joyful. As a Breakup & Relationship coach, she helps heartbroken people process their breakups so they can get unstuck and prepare themselves to move forward.
We must realize there is always a peaceful solution to every situation. We must simply ask for guidance, believe it is possible, and receive answers in amazing ways. Be open to your guidance system that may come from a dear and trusted friend.
Many Blessings,
Lois Hermann
“People may not remember what you said. They WILL remember how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou
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